So I'm looking back over this blog and one of the things I'm noticing is how little proof reading/editing I've done with my entries.
>_<
Though I wouldn't say it's entirely a bad thing as I really just wanted, I think, to just write what I was feeling or what Jeff & I were going through at the moment, even it it wasn't all 'neat and tidy'. I won't say I've never used the backspace key or whatever, but I've tried to just be honest.
Looking back, though, I'm sort of just "Wow!" that we've come this far (glory to God for that!!). Jeff's back at work full-time, I've had changes and such at my own work place and yeah. Different things come up and we go to each other (or it's probably more Jeff going to me) and say we've come through some pretty tough stuff so we can make it through this, too.
The only thing we're having problems dealing with is all the high-calorie drinks/puddings/meal supplements in our fridge. Jeff plain doesn't want them and I plain don't need them.
This, too, shall pass. ;-)
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
What Are You Looking At?
So Jeff had someone come up to him a couple of weeks ago (an acquaintance) who asked him if his hair would be growing back.
Now one would think "This is not an unusual question post-chemo." Okay, but Jeff's hair has *seriously* filled in. Granted, it's still really short and not really thick but from a distance you can tell he has hair. Or so we thought. ;-)
Jeff did come up with a good reply, albeit well after the fact. He was thinking he should have told the person in question, "I don't know for sure. Right now I just grab the cat and rub him over my head after a shower. Whatever hair sticks is what I have for the day."
Okay, it was hilarious to *us*.
I find myself still struggling at times with getting back into a routine with some things. It seems silly, I guess, especially considering it has been going on three months since Jeff completed chemo. Maybe it's just me.
:-/
Now one would think "This is not an unusual question post-chemo." Okay, but Jeff's hair has *seriously* filled in. Granted, it's still really short and not really thick but from a distance you can tell he has hair. Or so we thought. ;-)
Jeff did come up with a good reply, albeit well after the fact. He was thinking he should have told the person in question, "I don't know for sure. Right now I just grab the cat and rub him over my head after a shower. Whatever hair sticks is what I have for the day."
Okay, it was hilarious to *us*.
I find myself still struggling at times with getting back into a routine with some things. It seems silly, I guess, especially considering it has been going on three months since Jeff completed chemo. Maybe it's just me.
:-/
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Thhpppt
I think that's what Jeff really feels like doing at various points we've encountered almost 2 months post-chemo. We were talking about a project we may now have to bow out of at the end of September as a mix of chemo treatment schedules and holiday schedules prevented us from getting some things done. "Another thing," he said, "that we can't do because of this stupid stuff." True, we basically had the first four or five months of 2008 be pretty topsy-turvy. And we're still finding ourselves with uncertain footing in different things as we get back into things socially and what-not with friends and family.
Yes, there are things we can't yet do . . . things Jeff can't yet do as he did before. But we have to remember each day is another step ahead in complete wholeness. God hasn't let us down yet, so I remind myself that in this and other things I struggle with, He is with me in the days ahead as well.
:-)
Yes, there are things we can't yet do . . . things Jeff can't yet do as he did before. But we have to remember each day is another step ahead in complete wholeness. God hasn't let us down yet, so I remind myself that in this and other things I struggle with, He is with me in the days ahead as well.
:-)
Friday, June 20, 2008
And So It Goes
I had almost forgot this, but normally at this point -- two Fridays after Jeff's last chemo treatment -- we could be cramming as much fun and 'normal' stuff into the weekend before the next round started on Monday.
But not this Friday!!!
Jeff's done the chemo, baby, and he's doing really well!
Oh, okay, there was a loooong visit to the emergency room last Friday which turned into a two night hospital stay (but with basically a day pass on Saturday between antibiotic treatments). The culprit was a tiny cut on the knuckle of one finger which became infected and left untreated could have killed my husband as we found out his immune system was truly shot.
No words for that one, people, other than this phrase: "Thank You, God, for Your protection!!"
I mean, it wasn't like he or we were being stupid or careless. He was at home when he got the cut, a cut which one would barely pay attention to under chemo-free circumstances. But never the less, there it was, there we were and now it's done. And we're trying to be careful without being tremendously uptight and/or paranoid. We'll leave the stress part to my mother-in-law (whom I love dearly, but she is a bit of a worrier *but* has the saddest grief of any parent as she lost her older son to cancer 14 years ago).
Then there is the tricky path of telling people you haven't really kept in contact with for however long and didn't really think to contact them or try to find out how to contact them to let them know "Hey -- cancer! FYI!", only to have them be hurt that you didn't tell them. Or that *someone* didn't tell them. Or something. And getting cards from people who called weeks ago just to see how you were doing and who you really meant to call back but didn't. You didn't call them sooner because you weren't ready to deal with all that yet and you didn't call them later because you just honestly forgot. How do you explain that?
Then there is the whole 'getting back to normal'. There are some thing I would love to see be 'back to normal' such as Jeff resuming the cleaning of the cat's litter box, him being able to do all his regular things without getting worn out, etc. But then there are other things I hope don't go back to normal -- the communication, the priority on just spending time together -- because the 'old' normal pales in comparison to the 'new' normal.
And so it goes.
But not this Friday!!!
Jeff's done the chemo, baby, and he's doing really well!
Oh, okay, there was a loooong visit to the emergency room last Friday which turned into a two night hospital stay (but with basically a day pass on Saturday between antibiotic treatments). The culprit was a tiny cut on the knuckle of one finger which became infected and left untreated could have killed my husband as we found out his immune system was truly shot.
No words for that one, people, other than this phrase: "Thank You, God, for Your protection!!"
I mean, it wasn't like he or we were being stupid or careless. He was at home when he got the cut, a cut which one would barely pay attention to under chemo-free circumstances. But never the less, there it was, there we were and now it's done. And we're trying to be careful without being tremendously uptight and/or paranoid. We'll leave the stress part to my mother-in-law (whom I love dearly, but she is a bit of a worrier *but* has the saddest grief of any parent as she lost her older son to cancer 14 years ago).
Then there is the tricky path of telling people you haven't really kept in contact with for however long and didn't really think to contact them or try to find out how to contact them to let them know "Hey -- cancer! FYI!", only to have them be hurt that you didn't tell them. Or that *someone* didn't tell them. Or something. And getting cards from people who called weeks ago just to see how you were doing and who you really meant to call back but didn't. You didn't call them sooner because you weren't ready to deal with all that yet and you didn't call them later because you just honestly forgot. How do you explain that?
Then there is the whole 'getting back to normal'. There are some thing I would love to see be 'back to normal' such as Jeff resuming the cleaning of the cat's litter box, him being able to do all his regular things without getting worn out, etc. But then there are other things I hope don't go back to normal -- the communication, the priority on just spending time together -- because the 'old' normal pales in comparison to the 'new' normal.
And so it goes.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Annnnnd . . . The Light at the End of the Tunnel
No, my husband did not suddenly quit having chemo 'n' cancer for the past month. Not that we would have minded that. Especially after having to wait to find out if round 3 of the chemo was happening on the day it happened. That, in a word, sucked. You wait, you hope, you pray, then blam-o! You find out and suddenly get to deal with all of it not yet being done and no word on whether or not there will be a fourth round.
But to quickly clarify, there will be a fourth round of chemo, which we actually found out about this week and which is not slated to start until June 2nd. And we're believing it will go as fabulously as Jeff's last round did (minus the over-scheduling-cause-I-feel-fine part (cough*husband*cough). How fabulous was it, you say? Well, he was not laid out in bed from Wednesday night until Sunday morning, only threw up a few times over the course of the week, and was able to pretty much eat and move around without any issues. There was some nausea, general ickiness, and some dehydration (so should have watched that one better!!), but Jeff was able to enjoy a good chunk of his birthday that Saturday and, well, just the week as whole.
We have realized, however, Jeff's oncologist is more a treater of the disease and not so much of the people. Perhaps this is why he seems to have no qualms with 45 minute waiting periods to see him for a *scheduled appointment*, and just generally the attitude of 'this is what we're doing and that's it' sort of attitude. Not that he's mean or brusque or anything . . . just rather detached from the people, I think.
One thing we have had a bit of a time dealing with is the number of times people have told us how well we're dealing with everything. And usually when they see (or hear from) us, we are dealing with things in a good way. What they don't see is all the times we're not, those wonderful times when we're frustrated and being snarky with each other or mad at the little reminders that things aren't normal (which can lead to some mean cleaning streaks!) and what have you. Thank you for the encouragement . . . we'll try to keep the rest to ourselves. ;-)
Honestly, we would *not* be dealing with things in any sort of good or healthy capacity if it were not for our faith in God and the awesome provisions He has made for us in all this through the death and resurrection of His Son Jesus along with the strengthening power of His Holy Spirit. We have a strong, faithful pastors and a great church family who has lifted us up in prayer time and again. We have great families who have done whatever they could to help us with listening ears, food, and 'whatever you need' things. It's just . . . wow.
Jeff's hoping to be back at work part-time somewhere around the middle of June. I asked him if his bosses were still going to let him have his summer holidays (booked for the last two weeks of July), to which Jeff replied "Yes!". He really wants to have some time off when he's healthy, as he has been frustrated at times with how quickly he can get tired.
I'll be looking forward to it, too.
Oooo -- a quick P.S. which I must include! Jeff's last round of blood work and his last CT scan (done prior to the start of round 3) showed the cancer markers are all at normal levels (we all have 'em -- I didn't know that prior to all this!) and the CT scan looked good, too. So yay! And thank You, Lord! We'd be lost in this without You!
But to quickly clarify, there will be a fourth round of chemo, which we actually found out about this week and which is not slated to start until June 2nd. And we're believing it will go as fabulously as Jeff's last round did (minus the over-scheduling-cause-I-feel-fine part (cough*husband*cough). How fabulous was it, you say? Well, he was not laid out in bed from Wednesday night until Sunday morning, only threw up a few times over the course of the week, and was able to pretty much eat and move around without any issues. There was some nausea, general ickiness, and some dehydration (so should have watched that one better!!), but Jeff was able to enjoy a good chunk of his birthday that Saturday and, well, just the week as whole.
We have realized, however, Jeff's oncologist is more a treater of the disease and not so much of the people. Perhaps this is why he seems to have no qualms with 45 minute waiting periods to see him for a *scheduled appointment*, and just generally the attitude of 'this is what we're doing and that's it' sort of attitude. Not that he's mean or brusque or anything . . . just rather detached from the people, I think.
One thing we have had a bit of a time dealing with is the number of times people have told us how well we're dealing with everything. And usually when they see (or hear from) us, we are dealing with things in a good way. What they don't see is all the times we're not, those wonderful times when we're frustrated and being snarky with each other or mad at the little reminders that things aren't normal (which can lead to some mean cleaning streaks!) and what have you. Thank you for the encouragement . . . we'll try to keep the rest to ourselves. ;-)
Honestly, we would *not* be dealing with things in any sort of good or healthy capacity if it were not for our faith in God and the awesome provisions He has made for us in all this through the death and resurrection of His Son Jesus along with the strengthening power of His Holy Spirit. We have a strong, faithful pastors and a great church family who has lifted us up in prayer time and again. We have great families who have done whatever they could to help us with listening ears, food, and 'whatever you need' things. It's just . . . wow.
Jeff's hoping to be back at work part-time somewhere around the middle of June. I asked him if his bosses were still going to let him have his summer holidays (booked for the last two weeks of July), to which Jeff replied "Yes!". He really wants to have some time off when he's healthy, as he has been frustrated at times with how quickly he can get tired.
I'll be looking forward to it, too.
Oooo -- a quick P.S. which I must include! Jeff's last round of blood work and his last CT scan (done prior to the start of round 3) showed the cancer markers are all at normal levels (we all have 'em -- I didn't know that prior to all this!) and the CT scan looked good, too. So yay! And thank You, Lord! We'd be lost in this without You!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Erma Said It Best
Erma Bombeck really said it best in the title of one of her books:
Case in point:
I called my mom this morning as Jeff and I had not had a great couple of days. This second round of treatment has been easier for him physically, but it was rougher mentally as this time he knew it was coming. Like my dad said when we had lunch today, it's like standing in front of a freight train you can see coming, and that you can't get out of the way of I added. So yeah -- we had been snippier with each other and this morning I was really trying to not take it out on Jeff this morning. My goal was to talk to him later when I had (hopefully) dealt with things better.
But after a quick conversation with him, I was feeling rather emotional and I thought rather than give my husband more to deal with, I'd call my mom. In hindsight, it was a lousy idea. Out of respect for my mom's privacy, suffice it to say we fought, I did my best in my not-great emotional state to apologize before telling her I loved her and hanging up the phone.
On the plus side, I did a) properly sort things out with Jeff and b) had a really good talk with both my sisters. And I finally called upon my church family for some prayer support (why did I hesitate with this?!) along with calling upon some friends who have been fantastic through all my ups and downs.
You know it's a pretty neat thing with family -- siblings and cousins in particular. They know where you're coming from without you having to go into a whole lot of detail to get on the same page. Sometimes, they're even on the right page before you are, which was something I really needed today.
Interestingly enough, upon telling Jeff I got mad at my mom, he said "Good for you." (Mom, don't be mad or offended if you're reading this, please. He just feels I take too much from people in general and don't speak up enough for myself, so it's a case of him being glad I spoke up instead of holding everything in.)
So yeah -- family. Gotta (and do!) love them.
:-P
Family -- The Ties That Bind . . . and Gag!
Case in point:
I called my mom this morning as Jeff and I had not had a great couple of days. This second round of treatment has been easier for him physically, but it was rougher mentally as this time he knew it was coming. Like my dad said when we had lunch today, it's like standing in front of a freight train you can see coming, and that you can't get out of the way of I added. So yeah -- we had been snippier with each other and this morning I was really trying to not take it out on Jeff this morning. My goal was to talk to him later when I had (hopefully) dealt with things better.
But after a quick conversation with him, I was feeling rather emotional and I thought rather than give my husband more to deal with, I'd call my mom. In hindsight, it was a lousy idea. Out of respect for my mom's privacy, suffice it to say we fought, I did my best in my not-great emotional state to apologize before telling her I loved her and hanging up the phone.
On the plus side, I did a) properly sort things out with Jeff and b) had a really good talk with both my sisters. And I finally called upon my church family for some prayer support (why did I hesitate with this?!) along with calling upon some friends who have been fantastic through all my ups and downs.
You know it's a pretty neat thing with family -- siblings and cousins in particular. They know where you're coming from without you having to go into a whole lot of detail to get on the same page. Sometimes, they're even on the right page before you are, which was something I really needed today.
Interestingly enough, upon telling Jeff I got mad at my mom, he said "Good for you." (Mom, don't be mad or offended if you're reading this, please. He just feels I take too much from people in general and don't speak up enough for myself, so it's a case of him being glad I spoke up instead of holding everything in.)
So yeah -- family. Gotta (and do!) love them.
:-P
Monday, April 21, 2008
3 or 4? How About 2 and No More?
If nothing else, much of time I have spent in the hospital with my husband is helping cultivate a lot of patience. Today, for instance, we waited for 45 minutes past his appointment time to see his doctor. About half an hour of that time was spent in an exam room where we did not discover there were magazines until 5 minutes before the doctor came it, but had discovered Jeff's one runner makes a cool squeaking sound. We tried to let the nurses know via Morse code what was going on, but I don't think any of them have been involved in Boy Scouts so our attempts were in vain.
I also got to see the room where Jeff has his treatments and meet some of the nurses he has told me about (including the one he has nicknamed Stabitha, based on the fact that until today she couldn't get his IV in on the first try). It was nice, actually, to see where he spends 3 days of 2 weeks of the month. But it did feel sort of . . . odd to be there. Like I was there, but almost intruding. But that could have just been me, too, as I am a terribly social person to begin with. ;-)
Today was sort of an out of sorts day for us, too. What we thought were 2 or 3 rounds of treatment became 3 or 4 when talking with his doctor. (Jeff's going to ask one of the nurses about the change tomorrow, but he figures it's just the doctor making sure he has all his bases covered.) On the plus side, however, he is being taken off one of the drugs which he could only have administered once/week which meant he went in the past two Mondays for treatments instead of having two full weeks between the 3-day treatment.
Another plus side is I baked the lasagna my sister Diane made for us. Suffice it to say I'll be asking for the recipe as Jeff ate *3* pieces! (And it was just plain delicious!) Boy, my mom and sisters have been fantastic in regards to making sure we stay well-fed! My older sister Susan bought us a variety of 'meals in a bowl' from M&M Meat Shoppe (delicious, nutritious and *fast* (unless using the microwave at work)!); my mom made soups, breakfast cookies (they rock!) and there have been cookies and applesauce and just so much done by them and just all of our family and our church family . . . I don't know if I can ever properly thank them all.
We are blessed.
I also got to see the room where Jeff has his treatments and meet some of the nurses he has told me about (including the one he has nicknamed Stabitha, based on the fact that until today she couldn't get his IV in on the first try). It was nice, actually, to see where he spends 3 days of 2 weeks of the month. But it did feel sort of . . . odd to be there. Like I was there, but almost intruding. But that could have just been me, too, as I am a terribly social person to begin with. ;-)
Today was sort of an out of sorts day for us, too. What we thought were 2 or 3 rounds of treatment became 3 or 4 when talking with his doctor. (Jeff's going to ask one of the nurses about the change tomorrow, but he figures it's just the doctor making sure he has all his bases covered.) On the plus side, however, he is being taken off one of the drugs which he could only have administered once/week which meant he went in the past two Mondays for treatments instead of having two full weeks between the 3-day treatment.
Another plus side is I baked the lasagna my sister Diane made for us. Suffice it to say I'll be asking for the recipe as Jeff ate *3* pieces! (And it was just plain delicious!) Boy, my mom and sisters have been fantastic in regards to making sure we stay well-fed! My older sister Susan bought us a variety of 'meals in a bowl' from M&M Meat Shoppe (delicious, nutritious and *fast* (unless using the microwave at work)!); my mom made soups, breakfast cookies (they rock!) and there have been cookies and applesauce and just so much done by them and just all of our family and our church family . . . I don't know if I can ever properly thank them all.
We are blessed.
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